growing up..and I don't like it.

My sweet Isabella D'ann.... you are growing up so fast.  It was just a couple of weeks ago you said... "mama, I want to grow my bangs out."  I wasn't sure why that hit me so hard but it did.  Then I figured it out.  I remembered when I said the same thing to my mama.  You are growing up so fast.  There are moments when I wish I could take you and keep you small forever.  And then there are times when I love that you love to shop with me or go to lunch with me or just hang out together.  I hope you always remember what I have told you your entire life... pretty on the inside makes pretty on the outside.  You are so beautiful.  Those eyes that pierce my soul... that cute as a button nose.. those perfect eyebrows any grown woman would love... those rose shaded lips.... But the thing that shines through the most is your spirit.  You are the most giving child I know.  Truly.  Any time you earn money or you are given money...you always get something for your brothers with it.  Always.  Even friday when I picked you up from school and you finally got to "shop" in the "store" your teacher had created.... with money YOU earned for the last few months (by doing things in the classroom)....you got 2 things for your brothers.  I'm telling you.. that melted my heart.  

Thank you for being kind and loving and YOU.  Don't ever be afraid to be exactly how you are... God did an amazing job when He created you.  Amazing.  

keeping these moments with me.

It doesn't happen very often.  The moments where you stop and let me snuggle with you.  But yesterday you did... you came up to me and just let me hold you.  I remember standing in front of the mirror and holding you.  I just thought how lucky I was to be at home with you.  How blessed I was to be able to snuggle and have you snuggle back.  I remember thinking ... I will keep this with me forever.   I love you... my dudley paul.  

16 years ago....

16 years ago you were born.  16 years ago I became an aunt for the first time. 16 years ago I became KIKI.  16 years ago I learned what it meant to adore someone.

Carson.  Happy Birthday.  Happy 16th birthday.  I can't believe it.  I still remember walking into that hospital room and meeting you for the first time.  Looking at my sister and thinking how amazing she was... and how beautiful you were.  You and me... we were always buddies.

I hope you know how proud kuku and I are of you.  You are the sweetest 16 year old boy I could imagine.

I know life has amazing things in store for you.

Happy 16th... we love you.  More than words.

kiki

TWO.

you are two.  

you are beautiful.

you are fun.

you are a stinker.

you are strong.

you are sweet.

you are trying.

you are fast.

you are incredible.

you are love.

you are a good idea.

happy birthday... my birthday boy.

all my heart.  forever.  mama.  

my citizens of the quarter....

i couldn't be more proud.  

i realized that one of the reasons why i love the holidays so much (yes... i know... it's over) is because it meant that my family would all be together.  Being the baby of the family... my siblings are 5,7,9 and 14 years older than me.... the holidays meant they were coming home.  as we have all grown up and moved away it is very very rare that i get to spend the holidays with all of them.  this year one of my brothers came home.  billy has always been billy.  he is funny, talented, kind and honest.  i am so proud of the life he has made for himself.  he is an actor. and became a pilot after our dad died. 

i love you.  

love hate relationship.

i used to say jude and claire had a love/hate relationship. (sorry mama... she hates the word hate)  they are 3 months 2 days and a head and a half apart.  i was lucky enough to be able to help my sister out with her babies when she went back to work.. so with jude and claire it was almost like i had twins.  at least until 5:00 p.m.  whatever claire had... jude wanted.  whatever jude had... claire wanted.  until they were about 2.  then something just clicked.

i am so glad they have each other.  it is so fun for me to watch them talk and play.  i hope they are always close and there for each other.

we love you claire bear.

xo.
kiki